Digital Collage
"All works, no matter what or by whom painted, are nothing but bagatelles and childish trifles... unless they are made and painted from life, and there can be nothing... better than to follow nature."
-Caravaggio
-Caravaggio
"The Choice"
Digital Collage
91.44x60.96 cm
September 2016
Digital Collage
91.44x60.96 cm
September 2016
This piece was made to represent my struggle. I wanted to demonstrate self-hate, with the graphic imagery of me killing myself. It represents how willing I am to make this choice. The decision to live or die rested in my hands. This piece was influenced by "Judith Beheading Holofernes." It was created using Photoshop and gathering photos to recreate this inspiration piece. Following the dramatization from the baroque period, I created a piece equally as intense.
Essay
I started life off bouncing between my divorced parents houses.When we decided that was too hard for me, I began permanently living with my dad. My dad remarried my stepmom Kellie when I was five years old. When I was younger, while my dad and Kellie went to work, my grandpa would take care of me. He retired from his job as a nurse to take care of me. He helped me do lots of interesting arts and craft projects, and taught me how to care for people. As I grew up, he developed lung cancer. I was too young to really understand what it meant, but after he passed, I knew I had lost my best friend. My grandma began to care for me whenever she could, and then she too developed cancer. This time it was stomach cancer, which was much more curable;but it was too late for her. We all assumed she was losing weight due to her depression from losing my grandpa (her husband). Now whenever I drive down just a few blocks from my home, I see where I spent much of my childhood. I think of the man who lives there, the man who will never know my story.
After they passed, I experienced a lot of depression and became very self conscious. I used to be a dancer, but I almost always lost motivation when I saw all of the prettier, skinnier, and more flexible girls. I quit dance because even though I’d been doing it since I was in kindergarten, I just wasn’t good enough, and I didn’t see myself going anywhere with it. Shortly after I quit, I stopped eating lunch. I would skip breakfast every day because there was never time for it. By the end of the day, my stomach no longer desired food. There were many days where I just wouldn’t eat anything. Along with being a bigger child, I was the first of my friends to experience acne. Every day I would look in the mirror and be disappointed. One day I even looked at myself and started crying because I hated the freckles that grew all over my body.
This continued in my freshman year, and the social anxiety and self-consciousness seemed like it would never end. Eventually I went in for a checkup with my doctor, who after seeing my weight loss, recommended I go and see a therapist. There I was diagnosed with social anxiety, and have been working on it for about a year and a half now. I can see myself blossoming everyday, but the anxiety is still there, just greatly reduced. My therapist helped me accept myself more, and I began to love myself. My friends heard about my disbelief in my own beauty, so they told me to look in the mirror everyday, and tell myself that I was beautiful. As dumb as I thought it sounded, I did it. At first laughing at myself, then slowly starting to see it. I learned how to do my makeup, which makes me feel even better about myself.
I learned to accept others before myself, tending to their needs before my own. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing. they pushed me to figure out who I was, and what made me different from everyone else. I learned to see the beauty in myself, and began to appreciate the beauty in every individual. I'd like to consider myself open-minded because I'm always trying to understand why things happen the way they do. It's still really hard for me to obliterate all the negativity I surrounded the thoughts of myself in, but I'm still hopeful. I accept the inevitable, and I'm content with the things I have now.
After they passed, I experienced a lot of depression and became very self conscious. I used to be a dancer, but I almost always lost motivation when I saw all of the prettier, skinnier, and more flexible girls. I quit dance because even though I’d been doing it since I was in kindergarten, I just wasn’t good enough, and I didn’t see myself going anywhere with it. Shortly after I quit, I stopped eating lunch. I would skip breakfast every day because there was never time for it. By the end of the day, my stomach no longer desired food. There were many days where I just wouldn’t eat anything. Along with being a bigger child, I was the first of my friends to experience acne. Every day I would look in the mirror and be disappointed. One day I even looked at myself and started crying because I hated the freckles that grew all over my body.
This continued in my freshman year, and the social anxiety and self-consciousness seemed like it would never end. Eventually I went in for a checkup with my doctor, who after seeing my weight loss, recommended I go and see a therapist. There I was diagnosed with social anxiety, and have been working on it for about a year and a half now. I can see myself blossoming everyday, but the anxiety is still there, just greatly reduced. My therapist helped me accept myself more, and I began to love myself. My friends heard about my disbelief in my own beauty, so they told me to look in the mirror everyday, and tell myself that I was beautiful. As dumb as I thought it sounded, I did it. At first laughing at myself, then slowly starting to see it. I learned how to do my makeup, which makes me feel even better about myself.
I learned to accept others before myself, tending to their needs before my own. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing. they pushed me to figure out who I was, and what made me different from everyone else. I learned to see the beauty in myself, and began to appreciate the beauty in every individual. I'd like to consider myself open-minded because I'm always trying to understand why things happen the way they do. It's still really hard for me to obliterate all the negativity I surrounded the thoughts of myself in, but I'm still hopeful. I accept the inevitable, and I'm content with the things I have now.
Historical Inspiration
I began creating this piece by reflecting on what I felt was most important from my above essay. I decided that I should choose to create an image that will represent the struggle I face everyday, of self-hatred. I considered using one of "The Elvis Works" created by Andy Warhol. His use of opacity to transition could have helped me show my own transformation. I chose not to use this piece in my own work, because I feel "Judith Beheading Holofernes" was a better fit for myself. It captured the intensity of my emotions in a much more meaningful way.
I was very familiar with the piece "Judith Beheading Holofernes", and other Baroque artworks. The gore of this piece seemed like the best fit for the idea I was trying to convey. I decided I would use this style to represent my struggle. The darkness surrounding all of the figures, and the horror, match the theme I was aiming for. Caravaggio created this piece as another religious scene. He wanted to show Judith doing what she had been doing in the bible, which was luring and then beheading. This moment was especially important in the bible because she was killing a man with his own sword, in his own home. Judith killed this man with her own will, and to save her people. She's a representation of feminism in the bible. This is similar to my piece because I know my own capability, and I have to decide whether to save myself or not.
The figure on the far left represents how I perceive myself as ugly, or not good enough. In the original piece, this is the vulnerable Holofernes. In the middle is my perception of beauty. I adorned myself in makeup and a flattering outfit to appear how I want others to see me. The “beautiful” version of myself takes place of Judith. Judith is in charge in this scenario, and she decides the life of Holofernes. Just like how I am in control of my own life. The figure on the far right is my in-between phase. I’m in a casual outfit with light makeup. I’m leaning more in favor of Judith (“beautiful” me), but I’m not physically harming Holofernes (“ugly” me). Together this demonstrates the internal battle I have with myself everyday.
I was very familiar with the piece "Judith Beheading Holofernes", and other Baroque artworks. The gore of this piece seemed like the best fit for the idea I was trying to convey. I decided I would use this style to represent my struggle. The darkness surrounding all of the figures, and the horror, match the theme I was aiming for. Caravaggio created this piece as another religious scene. He wanted to show Judith doing what she had been doing in the bible, which was luring and then beheading. This moment was especially important in the bible because she was killing a man with his own sword, in his own home. Judith killed this man with her own will, and to save her people. She's a representation of feminism in the bible. This is similar to my piece because I know my own capability, and I have to decide whether to save myself or not.
The figure on the far left represents how I perceive myself as ugly, or not good enough. In the original piece, this is the vulnerable Holofernes. In the middle is my perception of beauty. I adorned myself in makeup and a flattering outfit to appear how I want others to see me. The “beautiful” version of myself takes place of Judith. Judith is in charge in this scenario, and she decides the life of Holofernes. Just like how I am in control of my own life. The figure on the far right is my in-between phase. I’m in a casual outfit with light makeup. I’m leaning more in favor of Judith (“beautiful” me), but I’m not physically harming Holofernes (“ugly” me). Together this demonstrates the internal battle I have with myself everyday.
Collecting Images
Sketches
For the first two sketches, I used Caravaggio's work as my inspiration. I wanted to find the best way to capture the beheading. I sketched one mocking the original "Judith Beheading Holofernes", and another with a similar style. In the second I wanted to see if the message would be more powerful if it was just a single figure holding it's own head, but I decided against this. I wanted a clear inspiration piece that would convey a stronger meaning. For the third sketch, I considered using "The Elvis Works" made by Andy Warhol to show my transformation over time. I thought this would be neat, but decided that the first sketch would go best with the theme of self-hatred.
Experimentation
Most of the time spent creating this project was dedicated to experimenting. I have some previous experience with it, but I'm not very advanced with it. I taught myself how to properly cut and insert photos onto a new file. I refined edges, and experimented with different filters. I was also originally planning on using a jet black background, but this didn't add enough of my inspiration that I was looking for. I perfected the Photo shopping that could be done, and then moved on to selecting a background. I found red curtains in the background of the inspiration piece, and applied it to my work.
Process
The process began after I experimented with the fairly new program of Photoshop. I applied the skills I learned and followed through with them. A frequent tool I used was the quick selection, and free transform. The quick selection tool saved lots of time in tracing what I needed to cut from a photo. I put this photo into the file I was using to store my final piece. I refined edges, and put the figures in place. I used the band-aid tool to remove acne in the center photo, and slightly remove blemishes on the photo on the right side. I completed this piece by adjusting the brightness, and turning it down. I also adjusted the levels of contrast, and hue. Once everything was in place, and the tone of the piece became dark and intense, the work was complete.
Reflection & Evaluation
I was very satisfied with the final product I had created. During the process, I began to realize how much work I was required to perform. Creating a fine art piece in Photoshop is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It was very time consuming trying to figure out a way to incorporate a classic art style with modern technology. I wanted to have a more dramatic lighting on all the characters, but the camera would not allow for this. To get the quality photos flash had to be used. This was only a minor setback for me. I continued to do my best to emulate my inspiration piece.
In comparison to "Judith Beheading Holofernes", my piece is obviously a recreation of it. When looking at it, people can easily guess what the inspiration was. It's an achievement to me that I managed to mix a modern art form, with old an old art form. I took classic paintings, and digitally edited my own ideas, to recreate one of the most famous Baroque artworks. I'm proud of this piece and the elegance it possesses.
This piece is successful with it's conceptual qualities, because people are able to figure out what the message I was trying to convey was. It's easy to see what's happening, but there's also another layer of depth in it. At first it just appears to be a remake of the original, but once you look longer, you see what's happening.
In comparison to "Judith Beheading Holofernes", my piece is obviously a recreation of it. When looking at it, people can easily guess what the inspiration was. It's an achievement to me that I managed to mix a modern art form, with old an old art form. I took classic paintings, and digitally edited my own ideas, to recreate one of the most famous Baroque artworks. I'm proud of this piece and the elegance it possesses.
This piece is successful with it's conceptual qualities, because people are able to figure out what the message I was trying to convey was. It's easy to see what's happening, but there's also another layer of depth in it. At first it just appears to be a remake of the original, but once you look longer, you see what's happening.
ACT Connection
1) My Artistic Inspiration of "Judith Beheading Holofernes" is very similar to my digital collage. It mocks the quantity of three figures, and the dark, dramatic style.
2) My inspiration lead me down a dark path, which compared to my above essay, makes sense. I was struggling and fighting self confidence issues, commonly seen in today's society.
3) While researching my inspiration, I can conclude that this period was deep and largely dramatized. It was also extremely detailed and precise in what it was trying to convey.
4) The central idea around my research was that i needed to find a way to visually represent my internal problems. I found this piece and made the connection I could use it to show self hatred. I used the glorified horror in the original, to represent how dark my life seemed to be.
5) The inferences I made during my research was that Judith was a strong women, like who I wished I could be. Judith was beheading a man, which is supposed to show how capable she was of achieving what she wanted. I, in a way, am her. Only instead of getting what I want, i'm inflicting pain on myself.
2) My inspiration lead me down a dark path, which compared to my above essay, makes sense. I was struggling and fighting self confidence issues, commonly seen in today's society.
3) While researching my inspiration, I can conclude that this period was deep and largely dramatized. It was also extremely detailed and precise in what it was trying to convey.
4) The central idea around my research was that i needed to find a way to visually represent my internal problems. I found this piece and made the connection I could use it to show self hatred. I used the glorified horror in the original, to represent how dark my life seemed to be.
5) The inferences I made during my research was that Judith was a strong women, like who I wished I could be. Judith was beheading a man, which is supposed to show how capable she was of achieving what she wanted. I, in a way, am her. Only instead of getting what I want, i'm inflicting pain on myself.
Branch, Robin G. "Judith: A Remarkable Heroine." Bible History Daily. BIBLICAL ARCHAEOLOGY SOCIETY, 12 Aug. 2016. Web. 03 Oct. 2016.